Back for my quarter-annual post...Happy Day 4 of Spring! I don't even care that it's still freezing outside cuz in a few short weeks it'll be warm 'n toasty again.

After months of a cooking haitus and using my stovetop burner only to stir my cauldron of peanut brittle and other assorted sugar-and-butter-laden evils, I experimented yesterday with a new recipe - African Chicken Stew (cut out the recipe from some random magazine). I think it's the first time i've ever purchased a package of chicken drumsticks at the supermarket.  Unfortunately, the end result looks a lot better than it tastes; i think the dish is pretty visually appealing and colorful, but the taste leaves something to be desired- the recipe called for chicken drumsticks in a thick stew of random stuff - diced tomatoes, a little chili pepper and lemon juice, peas, sweet potatoes, and chunky peanut butter.  I have 7 more drumsticks left to eat..bleh.  Had it for dinner last night, having it for dinner again tonite.  And tomorrow night.  And prolly the next night.  One of the nurses stuck a fork in the concoction today and declared it 'bland.'   I'm determined to try this cooking thing again, but it might be another several  months. 

Brrr! After 4 1/2 yrs here in Boston, I still find it difficult adjusting to the snow and slush.  My commute to work this morning was a glorious 1.25 hours long, and I showed up embarassingly late.  Thankfully, many of my patients have also been late or have cancelled their appointments for today, and it's been refreshingly slow so far.   I just love days like this - easy, unhurried, with plenty of time to relax, shoot the breeze, listen to my Christmas CD's, and oh yeah, xanga. 

For dinner last night, I had peanut brittle. For dessert, I had some more peanut brittle.  It's got just the right proportions of protein, carbohydrates, and fats.  The only thing it's lacking in is fiber  For breakfast this morning, I almost had peanut brittle.  Then decided that that was not a good choice.  I brought half my batch to work yesterday morning.  I can't wait to start experimenting with cashew brittle, macadamia nut brittle, almond brittle...the possibilities are endless!  

Today I went to the gigantic Shaw's on Comm Ave looking for ingredients for an ambitious homemade marshmallow recipe i've been wanting to try.  My sister had mailed me the recipe a few months back, and in a moment of inspiration, i thought, 'Today is the day.'  And wouldn't you know, there were no envelopes of unflavored gelatin to be found. How sad! But i did discover that Jello has come out with a gajillion new flavors of gelatin since I last perused the aisles.

So instead, I bought the ingredients for another new recipe I'd like to try, peanut brittle.  I'm looking forward to using my new candy thermometer for the first time with this recipe! If it turns out yummy, I may share. If it's gross, I'll still share

The right amount of stress can often be a powerfully positive motivating force, but an overabudance of it is just plain yucko.  Yesterday was just one of those days...by noon, i was already feeling overwhelmed - tense, anxious, and high-strung.  These moments come in cycles and seem dependent on so many different (and unpredictable) variables, both external and internal.  Yesterday I attributed it to the endless barrage that began the moment I walked into my office (an overbooked schedule as usual, phone calls to return, numerous prescription refills to sign, test results to follow up on, patients coming in with a litany of problems and their itemized lists of some 20 concerns and the expectation of having every single one of them addressed in a single visit) - all of which culminated in my accidentally leaving a mom with her baby sitting in the waiting room for over an hour because I forgot to check on the X-ray i'd sent her down for.  And that wasn't the only blooper I made yesterday.  At one point, i seriously starting wondering where my mind had gone.   On such days, I find myself spent, stressed, and what's worse, utterly devoid of compassion  The conversations with my patients become mechanical, rather than engaging. I am hearing, but not listening.  I diagnose, prescribe, and refer, but lack empathy.  And then I wonder, how do other people navigate days like this?  I am realizing more and more how fortunate I am to have a mentor and colleague named Bob who is, above all else, patient, understanding, and empathetic.  Bob is my benevolent, somewhat-close-to-retiring, devoutly Jewish mentor and pseudo-philosopher who has some 20 years of experience under his belt.  Whenever i make some naive comment about how sometimes I think that there's nothing I haven't seen come through the office or how nothing I hear can possibly surprise me anymore, he gets this tsk-tsk type of bemused expression on his face and says, "You ain't seen nuthin' yet, you've barely just begun!"  Bob normalizes and validates many of my concerns, doubts, and fears, and best of all, he doesn't mind stopping to listen when i need to vent.  Over the past year or so, we've had many opportunities to banter about the nature of medicine, about the reality of stress, about our patients, even about God.  Yesterday, he shared with me a poetic prayer he'd written when he was undergoing a similarly challenging period of time this past summer...an excerpt: "...yet still I am human, I can be fallible.  Perfection in thought and deed are only Yours to enjoy.  Decisions made with my limitations, concentration broken by my distractions, actions taken out of my carelessness.  Dire outcomes, for others, the consequence.  Harsh judgments will be made, but the harshest comes from within.  I ask that I be treated with compassion and forgiveness, so that I can continue in this task, to attend to the healing of others." I thought that was beautiful.  I told Bob I'd like to try to find some journal that'll publish his prayer...

A random thought just dawned on me recently.  By now I've seen hundreds of patients coming in for treatment for the usual aches and pains (low back, upper back, mid back, knee, shoulder, head, etc) that follow a car accident.  I always ask 1) if they were the restrained driver or passenger and 2)what was the nature of the incident. How is it that not a single person has ever reported that he or she was the one who hit the other vehicle/sped/ran a light?  Not a one. 100% of the time, they say they got hit by the other vehicle.  The medical record is a legal document, and I record what they say, many times verbatim.  It really makes me wonder...

It's hard to believe it's already the 1st of December! I dunno about the rest of you, but it seems like this year has flown by so quickly, even more so than previous years.  Where has the time gone? This past month, there's been a flurry of emailing back and forth of former high school classmates of mine. This year marks my 10-yr high school reunion, and last weekend over Thanksgiving break, there was a mini-reunion of people who happened to be in Tampa.  I hafta admit, i haven't been good at all about keeping in touch with my high school classmates...most of my good friendships are with people from my post-high school years.  It's been neat to reconnect with people from high school, though, and find out what parts of the country they're living in and what they're up to these days.  That might make it onto my upcoming New Year's resolutions list - to be better about keeping in touch with friends in other parts of the country and former friends from the past.  Just found out that one girl I shared biology class with now owns and directs her own salsa studio in Tampa - i'm thinking about trying out one of her classes when i'm back home   have i already mentioned that i'm really looking forward to seeing my family too in just a few short weeks, yippee! 

Just found out an hour ago that my vacation requests for the next 6 months need to be in by tomorrow....rats.  Gotta figure out in the next 24 hrs what to do with my vacation time for the entire next semester, or at least which weeks to take off...upcoming potential trips i've been contemplating: Northern Cali to visit friends, cousin's Easter day wedding in Southern Cali, Europe maybe with my mom and sis? (never set foot on that continent before), missions trip to Honduras in June?  Too many options, now not enough time to plan!